On a personal note #01

When I am not reading

“That’s the very reason why they put rubbers on the end of pencils …
because people make mistakes.”
— Fleabag

I wondered for a while what I wanted to focus on in this newsletter, if I had anything bookish I wanted to say — and as the days passed I realised I didn’t have anything remotely bookish to say. You see, the truth is, since my last review I have barely read anything. Well, almost nothing, my audiobook has kept me entertained and I even dived into some poetry, so there has been some reading, but not like usual. 

I don’t really know what happened and I have not spent time trying to figure it out either. And believe me, my former self would have spent days overthinking it; what has changed? Why I am not enjoying reading? Has something in my life changed? Have I changed? Have I lost my spark? OMG what if I am never reading again?

My brain loves to do these weird thought spirals, they can go anywhere, from the best case scenario to the worst, to a completely made up one. The main thing that has changed in my life is the fact that I have spent some time in therapy, I needed some better coping mechanisms and it is paying off. I can still overthink, my mind goes off in these fascinating spirals from time to time, but they are not all consuming, making my head spin for hours and hours. Now they are more like moments. Fleeting moments that do not have to be analysed from every angle to be understood.
They are just moments. 

The funny thing is that not so long ago I saw an interview with Aurora, yes that Aurora, that served me well this week. (Fun fact: we used to live in the same building, I still miss that flat). Anyways, she was talking about how she never wonders who she is. She just simply is. And if you give yourself more freedom, you can change everyday, you can change your mind, you can say something and then regret it and then be much better the day after. I have no clue why that just resonated so much with me, but it did and it has stuck with me ever since. 

So when this moment came and my reading just stopped, I did not spend any time overthinking it. I did not try to analyse why I suddenly was just not in the mood, why I would read three - four pages and just not be in it. Instead I took it for a moment of «okay, today we are not a reader. What do I want to do instead?» 

And it has been wonderful. 

I have spent hours on Spotify listening through my many playlist - who somehow always seem to have the same songs in them. Really deep diving into various artists, revisiting my favourite ones from the early 2000s and completely surprising myself on how many lyrics I know by heart. 

If I could, then I would 
I’ll go wherever you will go 
Way up here or down low 
I’ll go where you will go

Ah, The Calling. To my biggest surprise they are still making music, releasing some last year. 12 year old me was very much hyped until I realised it is just not for me anymore. It is and always will be the one hit band for me.

I have also been extremely creative, spending hours upon hours sketching, drawing and painting. My latest obsession has been alcohol markers, I bought a bunch a couple of years ago and then lost interest. But this week its been really fun to copy images from Pinterest and explore how to use my Copic Sketch markers who had not dried up. My creative inner child has been very hyped about this part, to the point where I have ended up with ink stains on fingers and clothes (RIP that white t-shirt) I even found ink stains on my sheets!

The most pleasing thing has been the sense of mastering drawing, I can actually see that I have learned a lot on my own and from the online course I’m enrolled in. Finding magical creatures from various fantasy worlds has been a great way to just relax and wind down after a busy work week. I find that the more I draw, the calmer my mind gets — and that is a win.

Between the pages

Now, I know I said I have not really been reading, which is partly true. I have been listening to The Trouble With Peace by Abercrombie on my walks and I have read little in The Mirror and The Light, as part of the slow read club. Other than that what I have done, is spending time figuring out which books I would like to read for nonfiction September that is coming up. 

This has become one of my favourite traditions to do. It started on Instagram, hosted by my good friend

Readygoread

. In short it is a month of reading non fiction, I already know there is this thing called Nonfiction November, but #sakprosaseptember started out on Instagram for Norwegian bookworms and encouraging others to read. So I have spent a couple of days looking through my unread pile and picking out some books that I have had on my TBR list for way too long. Time to get them off it! I am not sure if I will be as ambitious as I have been in previous years, but I do have a couple books that I am genuinely curious about reading. So for now they are on my reading list.

The last thing I want to mention is The Red Hand project by Nick Cave that I came across a couple of months ago. He has a writing project online and it is simply you sending him a message, a question, a thought — whatever comes across your mind and him, with time, replying back to you. It’s a solo project, and as he is doing it by himself it can take time before you get a reply on the page, but he does go through every single message that is sent. His replies are always so thoughtful, deep and authentic to who he is and what he believes in right now. I have found these notes to be so interesting reads as they touch upon various topics, and a couple of them have been on the topic of music and God — which I, as an atheist find so interesting.
I really recommend checking out The Red Hand.

So, this weeks post is not about what I am reading now or what I have reviewed. For now I am just not reading much, but I am enjoying myself quite a lot through other hobbies. I will be on a work trip this coming week and I have book packed in my bag, so if the reading vibes come my way, I am prepared. If they dont, no biggie, I am who I am in that moment.

Until next time 
happy reading! ✨